A lot of people today feel that something is missing in their relationships and are searching for a deep, lifelong emotional and spiritual connection with one person. According to the “State of Our Unions” report (2001), 94 percent of singles agree that people want their spouses to be their soulmates. Our culture seems to have embraced the soulmate concept, which inspires romance novels, movies, and songs.

Although it may seem that the soulmate craze started in the 21st century, the belief that we each have a special person who completes us has existed since the beginning of time. Throughout history people from different cultures and backgrounds have believed in soulmates and have enjoyed hearing heart-warming soulmate stories.

According to Plato, the ancient Greek philosopher, in the beginning there was only one human, who was created in perfection. This human was then split apart and ever since, the two halves have been searching for one another. Plato says, “Each of us when separated, having one side only . . . is but indenture of a man, and he is always looking for his other half.”

Thomas Moore, bestselling author of Soul Mates, gives a more modern definition:
A soul mate is someone to whom we feel profoundly connected, as though the communicating and communing that take place between us were not the product of intentional efforts, but rather a divine grace. This kind of relationship is so important to the soul that many have said there is nothing more precious in life.

What Is a Soulmate?
Let’s start off by saying that soulmates are not a fantasy. Yes, absolutely, they do exist! Soulmate love will always be mysterious and magical, and I don’t believe anyone can fully explain it. But let’s give it a try. This is my definition of a soulmate: A soulmate is a significant other with whom you have reincarnated from a past life, someone with whom you will feel a strong emotional and spiritual connection.

Much of the confusion about the concept of soulmates is due to the fact that people use the word soulmate too lightly, without knowing its real meaning. The word soulmate is often associated with the perfect and “one and only” partner. Many people imagine a soulmate to be gorgeous, always loving, perfect in every way, and perfectly suited for them. This image can be risky. No one can live up to such unreal expectations, which will almost always lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. Soulmates are not flawless supernatural beings—they are only human.

In my book A Matter of Destiny, I describe three different kinds of soulmate relationships: the extremely elusive Twin Soul, the frustrating karmic soulmate, and the meant-to-be loving soulmate.

The term Twin Soul (or Twin Flame) is often confused with soulmate. It’s important to realize that the two are different. Our true soulmate (our one and only) is our Twin Soul. Twin Souls are like identical twins. They match perfectly right down to their blood type and birth numbers. Some even look alike. It is also believed that they share the same soul. When Twin Souls finally reunite, the connection is amazing and sometimes overwhelming. The soul memory of our beloved Twin Soul is so powerful that we feel incomplete without each other. So, our search continues.

This is how one man describes his feeling for his Twin Soul: “I am eternally grateful and look forward to every moment I spend with her. I love her more than one person could love another. She is my everything—she consumes me and completes me.” Wow, pretty intense!

Although, in part of our souls, we will always long for our other half, searching for this person is a waste of time and energy. It is estimated that only two percent of the population will ever reunite with their Twin (although I believe that this is increasing as more people pursue a spiritual path). The special gift of a reunion with our Twin Flame is given to us only after many lifetimes of growth and evolution. When the time is right we will be together again, and in the meantime we can enjoy fulfilling relationships with other kindred spirits.

Now let’s discuss the other two types of soulmate relationships:

Karmic soulmates, who are commonly encountered, are the ones with whom you have unfinished business and karma from a former life to work through. These are the people who challenge you the most. You feel a strong love/hate connection with them, which can lead you to mistake them for your true love. If you have been in a relationship that drained you physically and emotionally, you were probably with a karmic soulmate.

One person describes her relationship with her karmic mate this way: “When I first met Jim, the connection was immediate. Our relationship has been a rollercoaster ride right from the start. We fight constantly, yet we love each other deeply and can’t live without each other. I know he is bad for me, but I don’t have the courage to let him go.”

Karmic relationships often end when the karma between the two of you is balanced. It is important that you learn the lessons you are meant to learn from these relationships or you will continue to attract karmic soulmates.

The soulmates we should be concentrating on are our wonderful loving soulmates (sometimes referred to as kindred souls). Because they are also quite common, we have a good chance of connecting with them. We are compatible with these soulmates and are meant to be with them in this lifetime. Loving soulmates share a common goal and have similar life lessons to learn. We are rewarded with these happy relationships when we practice self-love and learn our lessons from past karmic relationships.

Loving soulmates are not to be confused with Twin Souls. While the bond between loving soulmates is similar to that of Twin Flames, these relationships are calmer and more stable. You may not experience that all-consuming, intense love of Twin Flames but you will love each other deeply.

Here is an example of a loving soulmate relationship: “When I first laid eyes on Christine I felt an instant connection. Although it wasn’t love at first sight I was very drawn to her and liked her immediately. Conversations with her seemed effortless, as if I had known her forever. We have so much in common and get along so well.”

I describe the types of soulmates in more detail in my book, as well as how you can speed up your reunion with your loving soulmate.

Why Isn’t It Perfect?
Congratulations to you if you have found your loving soulmate. This is certainly a great accomplishment and you have been given a wonderful gift. Being with your loving soulmate will (at least most of the time) feel like you have found heaven on earth and you will undoubtedly experience many moments of bliss. But does this mean you and your partner will never argue and that you will always be deliriously happy? No, of course not!

Just as you and I are not perfect, your soulmate isn’t either. But while you can clearly see his or her faults, your love for each other will be enough to overcome most obstacles. Even soulmate relationships need work and relationship skills from both partners. Remember that you have come together again to love each other and to continue to learn and grow. Keep the lines of communication open, respect each other’s space and individuality, and work to keep the magic alive.

Motivational writer Joanne B. Parrotta is the author of A Matter of Destiny—How to Find and Marry Your Soulmate (BookSurge Publishing, 2006), The Little Gold Book of Money and Happiness (Lulu, 2007) The Promiscuous Woman, Modern Attitudes  about Love and Sex (WiseAdviceBooks, 2007) and Promiscuous Teens: Cause for Concern (WiseAdviceBooks, 2007).

To learn more about the author and her publications and to sign up for your free, instantly downloadable soulmate reports, visit her websites: http://www.amatterofdestiny.com and http://www.wiseadvicebooks.com.